Last Train To Paris

2 02 2016

So, we left our rooms to check out the Eiffel Tower and eat kwassaunts! Personally, I like to use public transportation when I visit a new country to see how hard workers commute. Upon getting lost, because I can’t read French, we get on the train going in the wrong direction. Once we got our ish together, we are directed to the correct way to get to Paris. This is our last train ride on our trip (uber saved the day) hence the blog title. The train is at the platform so we have to run before we get left behind. As I’m running, I JUST make it, however the doors close on me. Hard. Like wtf hard.  

Anyway, we see a sign on the wall of me. 

 
Yeah, don’t get caught between the doors b





Citibank

6 01 2016

Around 8:45-8:50 this morning I pulled up to the bank to make a deposit and parked. I searched my vehicle and didn’t have any quarters for the meter, so just before I walked to the meter a man panhandling outside asked me for some money. He could have been homeless or this could have been his hustle; asking people for money outside a bank, like where else would you go? You KNOW they have money lol.

Anyway… I said “bruh, I don’t even have money for the meter…”

I asked him to watch my car for greedy meter maids and also asked him what he wanted for breakfast. Across the street was a McDonalds, I purchased his meal and put a quarter in the parking meter thing and got my receipt to put in the dashboard. The bank opens at 9am. Whilst waiting online, the man is outside, STILL asking people for money and the people who are coming into use the ATM or handle their banking business are turning up their nose at him because he’s eating a sandwich from McDonalds and drinking a large coffee. I kept quiet, because I’m sure I’ve judged a book by its cover many times before so I just listened. They’re cursing the man out for having the “audacity” to ask for money when he has money for a large coffee and the people coming in and out… don’t?

I was entertained because I love people watching and making up stories for them, this is something I do in my head and I thought it was amusing but kinda rude because they don’t know that man’s life or know where he got the coffee from. If it would have ascended to an argument I would have jumped in.





Painful Marital Sex

7 12 2015

So I’m fresh off helping someone connect to the resorts wifi and returning my towel back to the concierge…

 
And some middle aged white guy is already at the desk asking for internet connectivity assistance. I helped him, it’s super simple but after you connect to the wifi name, like at any hotel. You HAVE to use the Internet browser to enter the hotels login and password if it doesn’t open up automatically. 

Boom!

So homeboy asks me for help, I help him. So I tell him, “the login and password is on the same envelope the resort room key is in. He pulls it out, I connect to the wifi, opened up safari and “Painful Marital Sex” is in the search bar and he snatched the iPad from me lol. 

  
You are caught red handed Bruh. I turned my face so I could laugh a little and turned back and he’s like “I GOT IT NOW.”

I bet you do lol





Who Let The Dogs Out?

5 12 2015

Also known as “The Dog Blog”
So on a hike quest to go fly boarding…

(Video coming soon)

Google maps… (insert impressive side eye) played me. The “34 minute” trek ended up taking at least two hours to the super market on the beach which is like ten minutes from the jet ski spot. Along this fantastic voyage, there’s a narrow two way street around this curvy mountain. About 70 feet from a rest stop there’s the end of someone’s driveway with three dogs from the walking dead, barking at cars passing by. There is a car at the rest stop that didn’t stop at me flagging them down for help. All I wanted was a ride past the dogs. I took the bag with all the goodies in it and ran at the dogs away whilst swinging the bag, they ran back up the driveway. THEN they came back out and I hear someone in the yard yelling in French at the dogs and they seemed to stay put. Fail. They started coming towards me so I picked up some rocks from the gravel at the rest stop. I wish it was all recorded lol. They came out barking and charging after me and FINALLY getting the owners attention, she calls them back home and I was back on track. 

Nobody stops when blax need help smh. 

So finally getting to the spot, they don’t have any jet skis or fly boards smh. Wtf? You know how you’ll go somewhere looking for something to purchase and they’ll say “sorry we’re sold out” why are you lying? Just say you don’t have any. 

Anyway, I just sweated my ass off and almost got mauled to death. So homeboy makes a phone call, to his peeps on the other side of the water. Boom! They come on this side of the island via jet ski and rescue me from distraught becaus, THEY have fly boards on the other side, which is a seven minute stroll to my hotel room. Had I known this, I wouldn’t have taken that long ass walk. I needed a little cardio but c’mon. So yeah, I have a tan. 





Bubblin in Dublin

14 10 2015

   
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
   





Sak Pase Sherry

1 08 2015

So I meet a young woman that seems to know what she wants, her name is Sherry. She’s attractive, sexy, slim, dark skinned, lives in my area, into polygamy and wears blue weaves. I can do without the latter two; but I’m feeling her energy. She and I have conflicting work schedules so I just shrugged it off and get in where I fit in. We both had nothing to do this particular afternoon/evening, boom! Time to kick it and get to know each other better, can’t call and text forever. 
BUT


On this day, I’m having a bad day and she wants to help cheer me up. I told her I wasn’t in the mood, I haven’t been sleeping well and just wanted to relax. I needed a drink to take my mind off my day though. So she convinced me to go out for drinks. Blah, 6pm is a good time for the two of us, she asks how long would it take me to get ready For SIX PM. I said, you don’t live far, it’ll take me like ten minutes to get to you; so I’ll pick you up around six. I go home, wash my ass and get ready to pick her up. At six, pm. 
Alright, I texted her “where do you want me to pick you up?”, she answers around six thirty. “I’m at 426 Halsey” 
bruh, it won’t take me fifteen minutes to get there. 
Adding to my whack day. 
I say alright, I’m on the way, it’ll take me like a half hour depending on traffic. So she’s like ok cool, I’m gonna be with my friend outside on the stoop. Cool. 
I start driving, I get like six blocks in her direction and she’s texting me. 
“Let me know when you’re on your way, ok?”

“I’m on my way, ok?”

“No, let me know when you’re close”

“Tell me when you’re a few blocks away”

“Don’t pull up and say ‘I’m outside’ just let me know when you’re not far away”
So I’m like “yo, have a good day, I’m not with all this shit. 🖖🏾”

So she called me a loser” and I deleted the thread and her number. 





26 05 2015
Looking for friendship and we will take it from there.

When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hits you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start’s cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she’s quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignores you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she’s beautiful ]

When you see her starting to cry
[Just hold her and dont say a word ] * TIL SHE STOPS * THEN ASK HER WHATS WRONG*

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she’s scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lays her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steals your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grabs your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]

When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she’s hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

– Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

– When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go

– When she says she’s ok dont believe it, talk with her

– because 10 yrs later she’ll remember you

– Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

– Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

– Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.

– Tease her and let her tease you back.

– Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.

– Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

– Give her the world.

– Let her wear your clothes.

– When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her.

– Let her know she’s important.

– Kiss her in the pouring rain.

– When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
“Who’s ass am I kicking babe?”








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